Hide away your ivory! Beleagurerd British government announces U-turn ban on historic ivory

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The beleagured British government in the person of Environment Secretary Michael Gove, hardly the sharpest knife in the drawer of a decidedly dim and declining political regime, has today announced it will imminently ban all trading in virtually all antique ivory.

This incredible U-turn in policy has been made by a government quite possibly on its last legs before it is forced to face the electorate. Apparently, government advisers have told it that if it wishes to pander to the younger members of the electrorate it must proceed with a number of palliative meeasures, including a vifrtually total ban on the sale of historic worked ivory previously regarded as part of the national heiitage of Britain.

Worse still, it is tonight rumoured that private collections of beautiful historic ivory pieces may be seized for salutary public destruction. Tbis appalling prospect means that private owners may be best advised to hide away some of their most treasured possessions before the political police arrive at their door at the dead of night.

Apparently Gove himself possesses a piano with ivory keys and the Minister may have to allow in the piano smashers! Shame on the UK government!